Even A Carpenter Must Eat

by Alex Bellamy

When working abroad a couple of years ago, I was busy
repairing the underside of some floor joists in readiness
for plaster boarding as it approached dinner time.

My mate, who was an accountant came to ask what we
should have and I mentioned that the steak pie needed

" How long should I cook it " Bert asked.

" The instructions are on the box" I replied.

" But I've put the box on the fire " he said

" ok, I cooked a similar pie last night and set the
oven at 180 for 35 minutes " I frowned.

Bert " I'll cook it at 160 for 25 minutes and see how it is"

I didn't reply.

Carrying on my work I thought who am I a carpenter
telling an accountant how to cook a pie, we must get
meals on wheels soon.
25 minutes later Bert came to me and said " Is the
pie cooked yet?"

I replied " How the heck do I know, can't you see I'm
busy woodworkng. You're the chef tonight"

Bert " I'll have a look coz the chips are ready "
5 minutes later
" Come and get it, it's on the table"

Me. " The pie's cold "
Bert. " What should I do "
Me " Put it back in the .......oven"
Bert. " You'll have to eat the chips now and the pie Later"
Me. " No I won't "
Bert " Well what should I do with the chips"
Me " Put them back in the .......Oven"
Bert " Has the box burnt yet, I want to check the instructions"
" Yes, it's in ashes"

Me " Bit like our dinner then. It might as well join the box on the fire."

Some other little tidbits...

Him. "It's cold in here!"
Me, " Well use a bit more effort"

Me. " Would you turn the water on at the mains outside?"
Him " Why not at the stop tap?"
Me " It's never been turned off at the stop tap"
Him " Why not?"
Me " I don't know where it is. Do you?"
Him " No. Why don't you find where it is "
ME " You want me to stop what I'm doing to find the stop tap, when I've a half mixed bucket of plaster going hard. Would you please just turn the water on "
Him " Where's the mains?"
Me " There's a bed upstairs, why don't you go for a lie down "

Him " I always thought Valentines day was on a Sunday"
Me " Only when the 14th is a Sunday. You romantic fool "

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Sep 09, 2011
What A Dipstick
by: Stu Potts

You are having a joke aren't you.
No-one could be so stupid, but the tales were excellent and I laughed my socks off.

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